Steps DIL puts in place for Separation of Mother & or Father & Son
Stacy Rosen Longmeadow,MA
DILFH
Steps DIL puts in place for Separation of Mother & Son
Some Mother's can relate to this and find it helpful. See if this applies to your situation. It sure did mine and unfortunately I am on Step 4.
Stage One
This first stage should be called, laying the groundwork. You think everything is fine and you are completely unaware that the ultimate goal of the DIL is to separate your son from his family and friends. After all, brainwashing takes time and your son has to be convinced that he had the worse parents and upbringing in the world. At this point, anything that your son brings up is used as a weapon to convince him of the terrible family he has.
Stage Two
You will start to see less of your son. The DIL will not let him out of her sight and will follow his every move. If he had friends, he doesn’t now. The only friends he has now are her friends.If you call him, you are calling too much, and if you don’t, you don’t care or are not interested in whatever it is that they are doing. At this stage, you may start to see some anger toward you from your DIL. Your son doesn’t speak up to defend you because he now is starting to see things through her eyes. Maybe she is right and you, the son’s parents, really are bad.
Stage Three
She has finally convinced your son that you are no good and you hate her. Even though you have done everything you can think of to get on her good side nothing you do is right. You know her likes and dislikes, yet you continue to do things that she doesn’t like. At this stage, you are walking on eggshells and anything you do is criticized.
Stage Four
You feel like you’re the worse parents in the world. She has finally convinced you that you are the problem. You feel so bad and the guilt is overwhelming. You are probably grandparents at this stage and not only has your DIL alienated your son from you, you are starting to see the same thing happening with your grandchildren. You are just hanging on because you really want to be a part of your grandchildren’s lives.
Stage Five
Your DIL has finally convinced your son that they need to move. She may use the excuse that jobs or schools are better in the new location. Her ultimate goal to have your son all to herself has almost been realized and she is just waiting to deliver the final blow. Any and everything you do or don’t do will be use as ammunition to deliver the deathblow, i.e. complete separation.
If you have a DILFH, please know that you are not alone and it is not your fault. It has taken a long time and we are still not over the pain. Reconciliation is probably not an option if you have gone through all five stages. You may have even gone through Stage Three a number of times at this point. I suppose that some type of family counseling may help.
__________________________________________________________
What really hit me was when I read....."Reconciliation is probably not an option if you have gone through all five stages." I must admit that it is much more difficult to obtain resolution with a third party than it is to deal with an unmarried EK, don't you think?
Have you been through any of these yet? Have you heard of Stacy Rosen of MA. A Real DILFH
DILFH
Steps DIL puts in place for Separation of Mother & Son
Some Mother's can relate to this and find it helpful. See if this applies to your situation. It sure did mine and unfortunately I am on Step 4.
Stage One
This first stage should be called, laying the groundwork. You think everything is fine and you are completely unaware that the ultimate goal of the DIL is to separate your son from his family and friends. After all, brainwashing takes time and your son has to be convinced that he had the worse parents and upbringing in the world. At this point, anything that your son brings up is used as a weapon to convince him of the terrible family he has.
Stage Two
You will start to see less of your son. The DIL will not let him out of her sight and will follow his every move. If he had friends, he doesn’t now. The only friends he has now are her friends.If you call him, you are calling too much, and if you don’t, you don’t care or are not interested in whatever it is that they are doing. At this stage, you may start to see some anger toward you from your DIL. Your son doesn’t speak up to defend you because he now is starting to see things through her eyes. Maybe she is right and you, the son’s parents, really are bad.
Stage Three
She has finally convinced your son that you are no good and you hate her. Even though you have done everything you can think of to get on her good side nothing you do is right. You know her likes and dislikes, yet you continue to do things that she doesn’t like. At this stage, you are walking on eggshells and anything you do is criticized.
Stage Four
You feel like you’re the worse parents in the world. She has finally convinced you that you are the problem. You feel so bad and the guilt is overwhelming. You are probably grandparents at this stage and not only has your DIL alienated your son from you, you are starting to see the same thing happening with your grandchildren. You are just hanging on because you really want to be a part of your grandchildren’s lives.
Stage Five
Your DIL has finally convinced your son that they need to move. She may use the excuse that jobs or schools are better in the new location. Her ultimate goal to have your son all to herself has almost been realized and she is just waiting to deliver the final blow. Any and everything you do or don’t do will be use as ammunition to deliver the deathblow, i.e. complete separation.
If you have a DILFH, please know that you are not alone and it is not your fault. It has taken a long time and we are still not over the pain. Reconciliation is probably not an option if you have gone through all five stages. You may have even gone through Stage Three a number of times at this point. I suppose that some type of family counseling may help.
__________________________________________________________
What really hit me was when I read....."Reconciliation is probably not an option if you have gone through all five stages." I must admit that it is much more difficult to obtain resolution with a third party than it is to deal with an unmarried EK, don't you think?
Have you been through any of these yet? Have you heard of Stacy Rosen of MA. A Real DILFH
